Judith explains that our childhood consciousness organized these contracted patterns of our energy and body, compensating for feelings such as fear, hurt, and shame. These bound patterns in our body contain painful moments. They also hold defensive or compensatory attitudes that have been formed to protect us from further injury, such as the hypervigilant attitude of someone who was often abused, or the inflated, superior attitude of the narcissistic person who is compensating for the feelings of hurt and shame that he also holds in his body.
The Realization Process includes specific methods for releasing these holding patterns.
- The first step is to become conscious of them.
- The next step is to experience the purpose of the holding pattern, to feel what it is protecting against or what it is holding back, such as tears or anger. This allows us to become aligned with the volitional intention of the movement so that it is not something that is happening to us, but we recognize that we ourselves are moving toward this internal protective stance.
- Once the protective movement becomes conscious and intentional, we can practice allowing ourselves to move into the pattern and release it. We can even access the static beliefs bound in the chronic patterns which trigger repetitive behaviors.
- Usually repeated practice is required in order for the pattern to release completely.
Ines, a doula, came to me a few years ago. In a soft voice, she described her confusion about the wonderful things she’d begun experiencing – after she’d prayed for seven months – after being diagnosed with cancer. I sat with her in silence, and then asked, “What did your praying look like?” She told me that she’d cried and raged all night long for seven months.
Then something inside her shifted, and she realized that she had a choice – to live in fear, as she had all her life, or to live in love. She felt an immeasurable lightness arising in her body, and she chose love. Love filled her whole body.
Her path hasn’t been easy. She came seeking help in making sense of what was happening. She also wanted guidance in figuring out how to relate with those who didn’t understand her sudden transformation. And she wanted to learn how to embody her true self.
Ines describes her experiences as she made deep contact with the internal space of her body:
I remember going to my heart. So much love! But then when I went to my neck – it was like wow! I have a voice? I never realized that I have a voice. I can talk, I can express. And for me it just opened up – and nobody can stop me. To me that was a truly healing moment because I could never express as a child. I could never complain. And now here I am. I can do it. For me, it was a healing.
In another session, she explored her relationship with her father. Later, as she processed what had happened during an RP exercise for disentangling from parents/caretakers, she told me that she had all kinds of issues with her father. She had been very upset, very mad all her life. In this exercise, she pictured him in front of her and experienced how painfully her whole body contracted. She felt how his abuse of her still lived in her body. She felt the “how” and “why” she had contracted; she had silenced herself and contracted into fear, trying to protect herself as best as she could. Spontaneously, she felt great compassion arise in her whole body. And then suddenly she saw the contractions in his body; she saw her father as a child who had contracted because he had been so abused as a child. She felt how his hurt lived in his body – and also in her body. And again great compassion spontaneously arose in her whole being.
When I suddenly saw him as that child, I released him with love. And this loving release also freed me. If not, I would probably still be holding so much pain. After that I released my father, my mother, and everybody I had issues with – with love. And that made a very huge impact on how I am in my life now, how I see things. This is impacting my friends and my family, my husband, my daughter. That I can close those issues I have with my relatives with love, that’s very remarkable for me. I want to continue growing spiritually.
That evening, after Ines went home, I wrote this short poem to her: As you awaken to who you truly are, let yourself be nourished by the warmth and stillness of your true nature. As you cease to fear, listen to the timeless voices whispering in your heart, “You are loved … just as you are.” Know – that whenever love discovers you, you‘ve found the path to freedom. Let the joy of your aliveness permeate your whole body. Let it manifest in your unwavering presence, in the sparkle of your eyes, the vibrancy of your voice, and the sensuousness of your touch. Let your Being unfold, let it unfurl, let it be free.
Her sense of self – her felt-sense of her own essence is growing stronger and clearer. She is finding her own voice. She trusts her own inner guidance. She chooses again and again to be true to herself and to let go of what she cannot control. Even those who don’t know her say that she radiates love and wisdom through her whole body.
Judith explains that we can cultivate compassion and gradually empty our minds of destructive thoughts and limiting beliefs, but if we still feel aversion to the world around us, or if we feel loathing for our own imperfection, we cannot truly release the fear and anger from our mind and body.
Although we may feel that we have been severely damaged by circumstances in our past, we can reach the essence of ourselves, a dimension of consciousness that has never been wounded or conditioned. None of our innate functions – our creativity or our capacity to love or think or experience sexual pleasure, to name just a few – can be diminished by another person. We can only constrict our own attunement to these indestructible aspects of our own being. When we heal from the core, we know that we are essentially whole and well.