What feels most true to me in this moment is that I’m weary. Bone tired. Today, during a bodywork session, it felt as if layers of devastation trapped in the cells of my body surfaced … and released. Afterwards, I had difficulty walking. My brain and body needed time to integrate the letting go of decades of emotional and physical gripping.
This evening’s news featured interviews with both Amir Hekmati, the U.S. Marine just released from 4 ½ years in an Iranian prison, and with the son of FBI agent Bob Levinson, who has been missing for nine years in Iran. Hekmati exclaimed: “I feel alive for the first time. It’s like being born again.” Levinson’s son declared: “We’re just devastated. We’ve been abandoned, and it’s just the worst feeling in the world. I wouldn’t wish this upon anyone.”
Each person spoke his truth in that moment, or so it sounded to me. There wasn’t a tamping down of either man’s emotions. Can you see me, just as I am … Can you truly sense the depths of my despair over my father’s on-going disappearance? Can you really grasp the exhilaration I’m experiencing in being released?
I’m quiet this evening … resting … writing … honoring the internal depths of being human, for none of us is completely free until we’re released from the internal prisons we’ve constructed for ourselves and as well as the external prisons we’ve constructed for one another.
My intention last fall: To deepen. To become increasingly whole. To live, serve, and love – freely and fully.
My intention now: Freedom without limitation.
For me, this journey is not about feeling good or being good or becoming perfect. It’s about letting go and letting go and letting go … into sensation, awareness, and love … into emptiness and presence … into the vastness and into stillness … and into the depths of our shared humanness.